Go Big In 2019

Photo by Judeus Samson on Unsplash

I’ve been doing the blogging thing long enough to have definitely come across some pretty predictable patterns — so if you want to do well in this arena, listen up. I’ve got some very worthwhile advice.

Number one, look for a commonly accepted truth that is trending — say for example, Bond Crater, the famous actor was caught on camera picking his nose. Pretty innocuous. Everyone knows he picked his nose. It was embarrassing for him, slightly entertaining to the rest of us and life, as we always knew it, continued.

Unless, of course, you’re the first blogger to write an irreverent or contrary article on Bond Crater — say, “Why It Matters That Bond Crater Picked His Nose”. This could very well go viral. There will be any number of Facebookers who will share this article with the very poignant and brief caption, “This!” That’s Facebook shorthand for “look at this drivel I found online that supports my convoluted opinion.” Now, depending on the weather and the news cycle, follow ups like “Why It Doesn’t Matter That Bond Crater Picked His Nose,” and “Who Gives A F*ck That Bond Crater Picked His Nose” could also pick up steam. It’s always worth a shot.

When you’ve exhausted that formula, the obvious next step is to write about anything and include the words Narcissist and Empath in the title. The article can be about field mice — it doesn’t matter. This is a sure win all around. A winner, because practically anyone who has ever pulled off some distasteful shit in the dating world is, of course, a narcissist and anyone who has ever been the victim of that behavior is an empath. You can also be an empath if you’ve ever noticed anyone having a bad time at a party or when your lover is in a bad mood but doesn’t come out and tell you.

Once you’ve beaten those dusty buzz words to death, you can start incorporating the adjective “toxic” to just about anything — “toxic relationship,” “toxic masculinity,” “toxic people,” “toxic co-workers” — the combinations are virtually limitless. As long as confirmation bias exists — and it doesn’t just exist on the internet, it bought land and built resorts — toxic anything is a great way to explain everybody but you.

I’m not here to discuss the merits of these things, I’m just trying to help you get some views, some claps and some responses.

Acronyms that help people label themselves also do really well. No one is a straight up pain in the ass anymore. Now they’re an HSP who will. most likely, have a child who is an HSC. They both suffer from SPS. Many of these people get in relationships with ISTP’s and ISFJ’s, although it is not unheard of for them to find themselves with INFP’s and INTP’s later on. Of course, a lot of these people can border on also being EIEIO’s but this happens mostly in rural areas.

This leaves us with Soul Mates and Twin Flames — don’t confuse the two. A Soul Mate can wind up becoming a Twin Flame, but a Twin Flame can never be your Soul Mate except in the rare case where your Twin Flame was born under the same sun sign as you. It may seem confusing at first, but with enough practice, this can become second nature.

I don’t know anything about Astrology, but those articles go nuclear every time. If you’re into that sort of thing, you can kill it.

Whatever you wind up writing about, for God’s sake, don’t forget to get a photograph of cleavage in there at some point. It does not matter what the article is actually about. Cleavage will help. According to most statistics, less than 50% of the reading public will finish your article, anyway, so one or two good paragraphs is really all you need. The rest of the post can be the Gettysburg Address. That’s in the public domain, so your safe with that.

I hope this helps!

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