Thanks For The Advice?

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I have a serious love affair with writing. I use the word serious because, in addition to the sixty-hour work week I put in as a truck driver and the solo dad time every weekend, I also make sure I am awake at the crack of dawn and at my desk every day. Every day. Christmas, New Year’s, my birthday — it makes no difference to me.

This is why I am always so perplexed when people read my stuff and take it upon themselves to offer me free advice. The only thing that is worse than unsolicited advice in the comments section is the occasional pep talk. I mean, it is not as if I am writing into an advice column looking for answers. I know exactly what I am doing. When someone reads a humorous dating article that I write and they respond with some garden variety, “Don’t worry…someday you’ll find a woman — ” comment, I can only assume that they’ve completely missed the point.

Think about what it is these people are suggesting. It’s as if they believe that someday I am going to find this elusive perfect woman and never have to sit down at this computer and write anything ever again. I won’t have to. I got what I was looking for. Besides that, I wouldn’t possibly have the time with all the happily ever after I’d be experiencing anyway.

This is preposterous. I don’t want a woman right now. I want exactly what I have: a lot of very strange dates and an endless supply of articles that come as a result of being a middle-aged man trying to date middle-aged women. It’s a jungle out there. From what I have gathered over this past year, there are numerous issues to contend with and very little emotional connection or sexual satisfaction. Where perhaps, at one time, I may have sincerely been looking for a partner, this is no longer the goal. I have given up completely on this endgame and have accepted what I have been able to get in its place. Humorous anecdotes.

Besides that, I have a very serious deadline to consider at this point. As it stands, I do not have the extra time to get involved with someone.

Of course, this could change at any time. If I ran into a very positive, driven, loving and intellectual woman who was attracted to me, I would not chase her away.

It was kind of difficult for me to even write that last sentence. It felt the same as if I had written, “Should a leprechaun carrying a pot of gold and a Caramel Macchiato show up at my front door, I would totally answer.”

And please — don’t write a comment that some day a leprechaun with a pot of gold and a Caramel Macchiato will surely show up at my door. I am a writer. I love to write. It’s what I do. It fills me with joy and gratitude for being alive. Besides that, I drink Earl Grey. I hate Caramel Macchiatos.


Thanks For The Advice? was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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